Airline Guru Gets His Skinny Way
“Know the enemy” the ancient Chinese general Sun Tzu advised. The flying public needs to know that they have an enemy and that his name is Les LeGroom. To get up to speed on the subject of Les, it is helpful to remember that this is the man who, back in the nineties, left the sardine canning industry and had airlines falling over themselves to hire him as a consultant. It should follow as no surprise that Les’ specialty is cramming people together in undersized seats under claustrophobic conditions. Les’ background presence is once again palpable in the new aircraft deliveries taking place right now. These airplanes have the same cabin space as their predecessors, only this time they boast a significant increase in the number of seats.
No one can discredit Les LeGroom by saying he lacks of ingenuity. The airlines cannot get enough of this guy’s ideas. He always delivers the goods and does it smoothly, such as when the removal of food galleys created hardly any upset among seasoned passengers. After all, this was seen as a positive public health move, the end of gray chicken a la king. A few more seats were tucked in these nooks as though they had always been there. So full of ideas, it is like Les never sleeps and of course, he expects the same from airline passengers. Another of his expectations may come as a bit of a shock though. Rumor has it that he is urging the airlines to consider cutting back on a significant percentage of lavatory space, to make room for even yet more seating. Why waste all that space on one or two uncomfortable thrones?
What credence should be given to this chatter? As odds would have it, earlier this year an independent journalist and blogger covering a paper products trade show in Foshan, China tripped over a small display of adult diapers, their waistbands imprinted with generic airline wings. Her inquiries were quickly silenced when she answered that she was not with a Mr. LeGroom. The booth’s manager threw a tarp over the pile, saying “This prototype. No ATB orders today.” A quick Baidu search answered her questions as to who the mysterious Mr. LeGroom was and that the acronym ATB stood for Airline Travel Brief. Even the mathematically disinclined can see where this is going.
Les championed the new slim seat design, which features cushions that are almost absent in their thinness. In some instances, two to three inches were taken off reclining positions. Airline spokesmen claim that this does not in any way cause the passenger discomfort because the actual reclining action is achieved through the seat’s bottom doing the sliding and thereby not impeding your rear neighbor’s knee room. Did that sentence make any sense to you? Believe me, I am as bemused as you. I got a bloody elbow from trying to understand this by trying to act it out in my Herman Miller chair. Maybe if the public had a steel rod for a backbone like Les LeGroom does, we could all be guaranteed a comfortable flight.
What is Les LeGroom’s vision for the future of air travel? It hardly bears contemplation. People shoved together in their ATBs, figuring out their ETAs and stinking to high heaven of the sardine oil showered on them by the sprinklers recently installed at the boarding gate. Practices gleaned from one industry and applied to another can have frightening consequences. We might be well advised to tuck one of those funny little can keys into our Airline Travel Briefs just in case of an emergency.
(Readers: Please note that this is a reprint of an earlier publication in which I unintentionally misspelled a certain gentleman’s name. Since then, I received a polite email stating that in fact, Les LeGroom is spelled Less LegRoom.)
